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Monday, June 15, 1998

Bruin full of pressure, good and bad

I remember the morning we finished our first issue of the Daily Bruin. I say morning because it was 6 a.m. by the time we sent it off to the printer. Afterwards, I was too restless to go home and sleep so I went off with a new-found friend to watch the sunrise at the beach. We rushed like crazy so that we wouldn't miss it. But after about half an hour of sitting on the rocks waiting and watching the waves roll by, we finally realized that the sun rose in the other direction.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was just that we didn't really care, but we just laughed hysterically at our stupidity and sat there for a little while longer as the early-rising beachcombers arrived. We missed the sunrise that day and we've failed at every attempt to catch a sunrise or sunset since then.

I don't know if that's supposed to be some sort of Daily Bruin sign or curse, but the rest of my Bruin year was foreshadowed by that first day.

I've had a few days of exhaustion from work, some good laughs; I've made a few new friends, maybe suffered a lapse of stupidity now and then (I like to call it stress), rarely saw any sunlight and of course I've missed some opportunities.

But all in all, my experience in the big cubicle called the Daily Bruin has been a bittersweet one.

Bitter because of the computer crashes, the stress and that strange dominatrix poster in the corner, but sweet because I know that 10 years from now, what I'll remember are the good things. The big, bad managing editor, the calls for a good time and, of course, the Panda bowls.

I didn't want this to be one of the usual, sappy end-of-the-year columns talking about all the hard work, how much I learned and how, in the end, it was all worth it. But somehow, I knew I couldn't avoid even a slight mention. I mean, it's true, it was a lot of work, but I've gained more than words can ever say.

People say that college is the prime time for us to change and grow. For me The Bruin was my growth spurt (a mental one obviously). After all, I've been a DB staffer almost as long as I've been a college student.

Coming to UCLA three years ago, I was luckier than most. I wasn't all alone. My roommate was a close friend from high school. So when most people were forced to bond with complete strangers their first weeks here, I had the comfort zone of Cathy. Both of us came from strict, Asian families and we were both very innocent and sheltered. She had to call home every night, and I had to go home every weekend.

So while everyone else branched out and discovered new things, we grew closer together and stayed sheltered and close-minded. Two quarters later, she found a job at Sunset Commons and I found the Daily Bruin.

Since then, I've had my first drinking experience, went to my first hoochie dance club, made friends with people who aren't Asian, met my first boyfriend - and I owe it all to the Bruin. In turn, Cathy has found her own niche, and let me tell you, we have much more interesting conversations now.

Naturally, I always thought that I would miss The Bruin a lot when I left, but for some reason, this morning I had a change of heart.

I was sitting up in bed, not ready to face the day, when suddenly I felt incredibly relaxed. It was because the last issue of the year is finished and my era in our cozy, windowless office space is over.

Of course I'm sad, but there is life after The Bruin. I will find another job, meet a new set of unique and interesting people, maybe make or lose a few good friends, have my heart broken a few times and break some hearts myself. But most of all, I can say I'm leaving 118 Kerckhoff with a part of me I didn't have when I walked in, and now I can move on.

I think I'll go catch a sunrise now.

Diana Lee

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