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Tuesday, December 1, 1998

Love will prove cynics wrong

MARRIAGE: Contrary to article's argument, relationships are not necessarily all a waste of time

By Ryan D. Hagey

After reading the title and lead of Alicia Roca's article, "Women, quit thinking men - think bigger" (Viewpoint, Nov. 24), I knew her views would be the antithesis of mine. Throughout the article she imposed her experiences and misconceptions upon others, which prompted me to write a response.

I was thoroughly appalled by her blatant disregard for the sacred bond of marriage and her lack of understanding as to what love is truly about. Given that we do live in a society where divorce is quite common and that women are held to a different standard (though, as can be seen by sections of corporate America, this double standard is hopefully subsiding), her attitude is not surprising. However, her idea that goals relating to self-interest and career aspirations should be held above marriage and personal fulfillment runs contrary to everything that I believe in. The most wonderful aspect of life is spending it with someone you truly love and who loves you. I have been in a relationship with an absolutely amazing woman for the past four and a half years. We have a long distance relationship but always find time in our very hectic schedules to be with each other. This commitment and our bond have made both of us stronger people, and our love has been the catalyst.

Neither one of us is starving for career opportunities, yet I know we will both find career-paths that are rewarding and lucrative. But the greatest joy that we will find will be in our marriage and our time together, and should either of our careers jeopardize that time or take away from the family that is so important to us, we will abandon that career. Roca remarked that she is not "particularly enthralled with children." This is a tragic statement; the absolute pride and happiness that a curious, loving child brings to his or her parents is more special than any success that can be attained in the workplace.

My manager this past summer had it right. Even though he has had many successes in his career, he acknowledges the fact that the most rewarding part of his life is his family, and readily admits that the joy he receives from his work pales in comparison to that of raising his children.

Roca's experiences may have been very different from mine. While it may be in her best interest to put self-interested goals over love and family, such actions are unhealthy and misplaced for many others.

Furthermore, by relating the life of a housewife to slave labor, Roca attacks many women who are incredibly successful in the "career" that they chose - to take care of and provide for their family. I'm sorry that Roca's experiences with her friend and neighbors - and their comments about how she is expected to behave in her relationships - have led her to forget how important love is to so many people, men and women alike.

She should not impose such cynical views on others. Many of us know that there is no greater aspiration in life than to give yourself to the one you love - and to feel absolute happiness by knowing that they love you.

This is my aspiration and I will not let my life be judged by the title on my business card, but rather by the commitment and love that I plan to bestow upon my family.

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© 1998 ASUCLA Communications Board[Home]

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