• printer friendly
• mail this article
• iPod format
• digg

When I’m not assiduously conducting field research for my brilliant and seminal Daily Bruin sex column I also work on campus in an office that I will not identify here for fear of raised eyebrows from my co-workers. One of the great things about my job is that it allows me to come into contact with a lot of different people: the old, the young, the black, the white, the foreign, the domestic--and most importantly, the good-looking and the bad-looking.

Since there isn’t exactly a bevy of good-looking men pouring into my office at all hours of the day, sometimes I have to walk over to the Student Union Information booth to find hot young things upon whom I can gaze contentedly (something about those green shirts that they wear and how informed they are about the bus schedule just drives me crazy!).

But even if there were handsome young men lounging next to my desk, I would hesitate before asking any of them out. The world of workplace dating is treacherous, and beneath the seemingly calm sea of lunch breaks and shared employee award banquets, there is a nasty riptide of possible workplace woes.

Take for instance the following cautionary tales. Although I don’t actually know anyone who dated a supervisor or someone equally taboo, simply sleeping with your co-workers can lead to nothing but trouble.

A close friend of mine began dating a fellow waiter at the fine dining establishment where she worked; a flirtation over plates of shrimp linguine turned into make-out sessions in the giant freezer out back. Although being passionately pressed up against frozen meatballs was certainly a thrill, the relationship cooled quickly. Now my friend had to face her fling on a daily basis, which certainly didn’t make for the best working environment.

I experienced a similar dilemma when I briefly dated a guy who worked in one of the restaurants here on campus. He was cute, funny, and a blast to mess around with, but I just couldn’t reconcile his numerous attractive qualities to the fact that he flipped burgers for seven hours a day. I mean, did I really want to have sex with someone who smelled like fried chicken? When the answer to that question became a resounding no, chicken-boy had to go--but now I had to forgo one of the great pleasures of my life: the tuna sandwich I had ordered from him on a daily basis.

Sandwich-induced awkwardness is one thing, but sometimes workplace relationships can become messier than a plate of sloppy joes. Most employers enforce strict rules forbidding inter-office dating, especially between a supervisor and subordinate. Even though I’m sure that occasionally two co-workers can date without letting office politics enter into the relationship, it’s probably best to avoid any kind of business-partner boinking.

However, this dating dictum does not rule out what I like to call “workplace window shopping”--maybe you can’t date that hot guy or gal in Marketing, but who’s to stop you from ogling him or her at every possible opportunity?

For example: I developed a giant crush on this very attractive guy who worked in the coffee shop right next door to my office. Not only was he terribly cute, but he had one of those voices that could melt butter, even if he was saying something as mundane as "Would you like crackers with your soup?"

My latte purchases went through the roof as a result of this little infatuation; I would sit drinking my coffee every morning before work, staring at him and imagining what he’d look like without his uniform shirt and visor (actually, sometimes in my fantasies, I’d make him keep the visor on – naughty!). In fact, I was in the coffee shop so often that I think all of the other guys that worked there thought that I had a crush on them--and as much as I appreciate all different kinds of people, having some lanky foreign exchange student leer at me suggestively every time I ordered a sesame bagel got a little tiresome.

Besides, my conversations with hot coffeehouse boy didn’t really amount to much more than him asking, “What size iced tea would you like?” and me responding, “Medium – and could I get some hot sex to go with that?” (OK, maybe not that last part, but I sure was thinking it!) That’s the wonderful thing about workplace window-shopping. You get the thrill of crushing on someone without having to deal with the reality of an actual, messy, job-threatening relationship.

So the next time you’re jonesing for that hotty sitting at the desk next to you, take a deep breath and carefully re-read the human resources policy on what happens when you hump on company time. I’m pretty sure it’ll say something like “Keep your Willy (or Wanda) in your pants if you want to keep your job.” However, that certainly doesn’t rule out an active fantasy life – in fact, I’m feeling a little thirsty for some coffee right now ... gotta go!

Comments

Post a comment