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Much has been made of the 2003-2004 UCLA men’s basketball team. Los Angeles-area writers, talk show hosts and television personalities have made a head coaching position in Westwood look about as appealing as extracting teeth from a lion or being Jabba the Hutt’s dinner.

One year ago, Slick Steve Lavin and Papa Bear Toledo were on Westwood’s most wanted list. Now coach Karl Dorrell’s approach to football has been called boring and dull by Los Angeles Times writer T.J. Simers. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

However, some people in Los Angeles actually have enough knowledge and basketball savvy to make intelligent arguments about UCLA basketball – women’s basketball, that is. 

I caught up with Alex Zalkin, Matt Mossanen and Jon Milgrom, three UCLA students who are on the women’s basketball scout team who consider themselves masters in the field of debate when it comes to UCLA basketball. 

From them I learned that there’s another basketball team on campus, sports fans. They wear sports bras instead of jock straps, and according to the guys on the women’s basketball scout team, this year they’ve come to play.

The scout team is a group of students who emulate future opponents’ playing styles, suiting up against the women several times every week. The basketball team runs drills and controlled scrimmages against the scout team in preparation for their next game. 

I know what you’re thinking: The scout squad? Please.

Well, imagine being Laila Ali’s sparring partner, racing Jackie Joyner-Kersee, taking batting practice against Amanda Freed or wrestling Chyna. Try pitching to Stacy Nuveman, blocking a Mia Hamm penalty kick, or digging Gabrielle Reese’s spikes all day. It’s no walk in the park.

Just ask Milgrom, Mossanen and Zalkin.

“It’s pretty difficult,” Zalkin said, showing off a gruesome scratch on his wrist. “I have a background in basketball, but they’re rough, they’re physical. They bang inside and all that stuff.”

A typical day includes full-court 3-on-2 drills, transition offense and transition defense, perimeter or post drills (depending on a player’s position) and conditioning. But only the players do the conditioning, so by the time they take on the scout team, they’ve been worked pretty hard. 

“There’s no way I’d be able to do the conditioning that they do,” Zalkin said.

By Friday, the girls were 2-1 this year, with their sole loss coming to the No. 2 Lady Longhorns of Texas. 

So far, the scout team threesome has enjoyed watching UCLA’s team improve.

“Since we started, they’ve definitely improved,” Zalkin boasted. “That’s a result of our presence, but mostly their hard work. They’re in really good shape.” 

One feature of the women’s team that has stood out in the minds of all three scout squad sallies is the physical nature of play employed by the lady Bruins. 

“They’re pretty physical. Every day I play I come home with a new bruise on my head or a cut on my face,” Milgrom complained. “I got knocked in the head pretty badly once, and I thought I was going to die. I didn’t die, though. I’m talking to you now. But it really hurt.” 

“They’re good man,” said Mossanen. “They can all compete and they’re all tough. I have scratches on my head. I get fat lips all the time.”

As proof of the team’s toughness, I was told the following story: “I went up for a lay-up, and one of them took a charge. I kneed her really hard in the stomach, and she went down,” Mossanen said. “I never would have taken a charge during practice in high school, not in a million years. I would have just let the guy score.”

At first, the scout team was unsure of the legitimacy of their role. That quickly changed. “As the practices went on, I realized a lot of the girls are really talented,” Milgrom said. “They are very fundamentally sound, and they play at a very high level.”

So it appears there is another talent-laden team roaming Pauley Pavilion this winter. But don’t take the scout team’s word for it. 

Stop by and check it out for yourself.

After watching a UCLA victory, Karon hopes someone tells him he plays ball like a girl. E-mail him at ekaron@media.ucla.edu.