It’s not easy to fall back into bliss
Welcome back.
Things seem different around here, don’t they?
Whether you sublet your apartment over the summer and returned to find furniture trashed by strangers or are feeling disoriented by the presence of a CVS Pharmacy and Urban Outfitters in Westwood, things probably aren’t just as you left them.
And a note to our new freshmen: The next time you return home after being away, your room, home or favorite high school hangout will most likely be altered when you revisit them.
Nothing tangible left behind is ever guaranteed to look and feel exactly the same or even resemble itself after a long vacation.
The intangible usually follows this law as well. So what does this mean for love interests left idle for months, or even seasons, at a time?
Does that cute guy who lived next door to you last year remember he still owes you a movie night or that he still has your vacuum from when he borrowed it last spring? What if he’s left and moved blocks away without saying goodbye?
Does your study buddy from finals week still feel like making out in between solving physics problems? Or does she have a new partner after studying abroad in Australia this summer?
Will anything happen with that almost-relationship that was kindled and then stifled just because it came to be during the stress of dead week?
You’ve lain awake all summer, dreaming about that cutie in your orientation group. Surely he’ll call you once he gets moved in and you guys will pick up where you left off in July.
Or will you?
UCLA may feel like an impenetrable bubble sometimes – weirdly isolated from the rest of the world and even the rest of Los Angeles – but we’re not immune to the uncertainty of the real world.
This campus is paradoxically a very large place with a multitude of intertwined communities, making it possible to never see some people and never be able to escape others. You may never again run into that hottie you met at a party this weekend, but you’ll likely cross paths on a weekly basis with your high school crush who just transferred here.
So what do you do when people and relationships aren’t as they were when you last saw them?
With subletters you can sign contracts before move-in and demand payment for a damaged desk or couch. With crushes, though, you can’t take legal action for a broken heart. Sometimes you’re better off moving on than straining to rekindle withering flames.
There are situations when flirtation put on pause over summer can crescendo into a relationship (or at least a date) by fall, but your chances for success are exponentially greater if you relax.
When approaching a crush after a full season has passed, a few backward steps from where you left off are often necessary before you regain ground or move forward.
You obviously have a lot of catching up to do, whether or not you talked on the phone, online or occasionally in person during summer. Even if you’ve been pining away for someone and assume the feeling is mutual, the story isn’t always the same on the other side. Take some time to re-energize a friendship before you make a move or write off your stalled relationship as failed.
If things don’t work out, you have plenty of time to find an even cuter study partner by midterms.
Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor. E-mail her at lbonos@media.ucla.edu.


