• printer friendly
• mail this article
• iPod format
• digg

Players of little hops take heart: Dunkball!

Lurking well below the height of a regulation basketball hoop is the pinnacle of the average man's jump.

No, it's not a white man, it's not a black man. It's just the average guy, who, despite a running start, lightweight shoes and a healthy breakfast, reaches the apex of his flight at or around the first link of the net.

Try as he might, there is something impenetrable about the 10-foot barrier. Sure, you see guys like Charles O'Bannon scale the height like it was a Janss step and it looks easy. You're a 6-footer. In fair shape. Extended arms reach you up to just under 8 feet. Then what happens? You go for the jump and you buckle. The foam is a vain attempt away.

Try it with a ball? C'mon now. You couldn't dunk a golf ball with a trampoline under the net. The only time you've touched the rim is standing on your buddy's shoulders to change the net.

Frustrated by an inability to emulate your favorite air-walker? Jumping rope and eating right to increase that vertical leap? Unhappy to be relegated to the perimeter with the other calfless wonders? Shopping for just the right shoes to compensate? Stop the insanity.

I'm about to let you in on a secret millions of inadequate men like me already know: The key isn't in getting your game closer to the rim ­ the trick is to bring the rim closer to your game.

The answer, my friends, is dunk hoops. Dunk hoops, you ask? Dunk hoops.

It was an idea born at a Big 5 many years ago, simple enough. There sat the display, backboard and rim. Probably a huffy. About 7 and a half feet high. There were the basketballs right next to it. The first of the ground-dwellers picked up a ball and dunked it. And a light bulb went on.

Boom. Just like that. This sport wasn't for giants with talent in the air. OK, maybe it was. But now it could be more inclusive. Ever tripped trying to jump over a phone cord? Lowered rims were your new best friend.

Wisely, its inventors let the craze spread slowly. As lower rims were being installed on elementary schools across the country, they made it seem like it was for the kids.

"Kids get frustrated, see, being so small and having to shoot way up to that high ol' 10-foot rim. I mean, I think some of these kids are getting turned off by the sport because it's just too hard."

They never let on that the after-school, high school has-beens were there ready to hop the fence of the local kiddie school to take advantage of those lowered rims. Or that adults were waiting to callous their hands dunking on their days off.

Now the rims are a fixture on nearly every campus. And those with athletic ability and jumping ineptitude have found a home. No longer are they relegated to imitating Steve Kerr and Steve Alford and Doc Rivers. They can be John Starks or Michael Jordan or ­ egad ­ Lorenzo Orr.

But with the rims came etiquette. Henceforth, dunk ball rules to remember as you live out dreams you needed compensation to achieve.

* Goal tending is legal on balls shot in the key.

* Dunks are worth two points, jumpers worth one.

* Dunks are allowed at any break in action.

* Hop the shortest fence into the locked schoolyard, forget that you hopped it if questioned by police.

* Never break down the rims.

* Bring your own net.

* Begin or end with a slam dunk contest.

* The best player on the court is the one who dunks the most.

Remember, though, many of these rims are found in locked schoolyards, which explains the caveat for police presence. Most officers will just chase you away ­ threats to write you a ticket are mostly idle, but you'll probably have to leave.

That's why it's important to find your dunk-hoop pleasure at a fenceless arena, preferably shielded from outside view. There's no sense in endangering future generations of the vertically jump challenged with a foolish and selfish act.

And until we meet on the courts of the meager to perform like giants, enjoy your time in the air, however low it might be.

Suggestions for dunk hoop courts can be submitted to the Daily Bruin by calling (310) 825-9851 with your favorite court. A complete list will be published next week.

Comments

Post a comment