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Indiana Jones and the Temple of déjà vu

Disneyland's newest ride, based on the three-movie adventures of the famous archaeologist, offers three doors representing wealth, knowledge and eternal youth ­ too bad they all lead to the same room. So much for the amusement park's 'interactive' creation.

By Michael Horowitz

Daily Bruin Senior Staff

Banish the word "interactive" from your head.

It's just one of the words Disney is tossing around in overhyping its new Indiana Jones Adventure ride, the fruit of collaboration with trilogy god George Lucas ­ one of the words that just isn't correct.

The hook of the new ride, what makes it "bigger and better than anything that's been done before," are the choices guests are supposedly allowed to make, variations on the adventure that make no two visits alike.

What they failed to mention is that after waiting three hours to check out the ride again, your memory for detail will fade to the point that the differences will be incidental. Two rides may never be the same, but good luck telling them apart!

After this initial disappointment, or necessary dropping of standards, as the case may be, the Indiana Jones Adventure is a damn good ride. In sound, design and story it complements and builds on the world class entertainment upon which Disney rests its reputation. Every single inch, every tiny turn, every voice, every note is perfectly, completely orchestrated, and to great effect.

This brings us to major problem No. 2. What Disney means by 160,000 possible ride/show programming combinations is that most of the microscopic elements of the ride are variable. Sometimes Indy will yell "Tourists!" in disgust, other times he'll brag "You can't tell me that wasn't big fun." Sometimes your troop transport will careen through the ride at record pace and other times it will break down in the dark.

Here's the catch: The random programming works to the detriment of the ride. The most fun you can have on this ride is if it zooms through at top speed, bucks the most and screeches the loudest. If it stops, you lose!

The ride also lacks the blow-you-out-of-the-water-for-good finale that Disney had seemingly perfected. After walking over to Star Tours upon the conclusion of Indy, it's questionable which ride uses cutting edge technology better.

Yet both rides do right by generously borrowing from their source material, and Indy is chalk full of the three films of temple-spelunking. While the voice you hear isn't Harrison Ford's, it's tough to get his distaste for snakes, bugs and rolling boulders out of your head while his sardonic world view pervades the ride. Disney has successfully crammed every surface with as many points of interest as possible to ensure each future ride will be just as visually stimulating. And while Indy never gains the momentum of a true rollercoaster, its powerful tilts and bounces will threaten to hurl you off the vehicle.

Because of the fact that the line for this ride will be longer than any of the movies it's based on until well after the year 2000, a few tips will greatly aid the amateur adventurer on getting the most bang for the wait.

The 12-person troop transport, your vehicle for the 3 minute 40 second journey, boasts three rows of seats with state-of-the-art speakers and incredibly necessary seatbelts. The front sides are the best places to be, for there the ride is the wildest and most enjoyable. If Michael Eisner shows up and allows you to personally select your ride position, choose the right front seat.

Second, when walking through the line, make sure to push, pull and twist every possible rope, pole and lever, for you will trigger random programmed responses designed to ease your subterranean struggle.

Third, don't look into Mara's eyes. Mara is the god the ride is created around, and each preprogrammed journey is dispatched on the assumption that someone in the fearful 12 gazes into her eyes and casts the car into evil. Maybe if you can make every passenger look away you will be rewarded with the vastly different adventure Disney seems to promise.

Horowitz rode the Indiana Jones Adventure 14 times and never got to go through the left door, but he knows it leads to the same room as the center and right doors. How's that for interactive?

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