Monday, August 24, 1998
Discard guise of sociability, be true to yourself
RELATIONS: Avoiding insincerity can be difficult without knowing best ways to avoid conversation
Folks, let's get real. Step away from being superficial and fake. For God's sake, just be yourself!
Hey, what a concept: being yourself. No facades, no disguises - just the facts.
Yes indeed, it appears that many of us are full of ourselves. I think I came to this conclusion because for some damn reason, these types of people have surrounded me all summer long.
Am I hanging out in the wrong crowds? Am I restricting myself to narrow-minded groups of people? "Hell no!" I emphatically tell myself. I diversify myself, meet new people and hang around a wide array of race, color and creed.
I guess it's just inevitable that I realized so many people just aren't real.
Biggest case in point - just walk around campus. I really get annoyed when people are waving "Hi!" and "Hey, what's up?" every left and right. They stop here and there to chitchat. Every so often these people will engage in a hug. If these people are really that popular, that's cool. But to me, many of these salutations and greetings seem contrived and full of crap.
It irks me to think that people do this to impress whoever it is they are with or to rack some points up. The more people you know, the cooler you are.
I've been with people who have met other people they didn't really know. These people they met were so darn important to them that my friends totally forgot their name.
Why bother to stop and say hi to people who are merely random acquaintances?
"Hey, aren't you so and so's friend's cousin whom I met at Rieber during dinner?"
Wow, that's great. Let's put one up on the scoreboard for you.
On the other hand, I have devised evasive techniques when seeing people I know who know me but whom I would rather not see.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some anti-social freak who goes into seclusion.
I'm also not trying to pump up the number of people I could potentially know. (Am I?)
I would rather only exert myself to smile and talk to those of whom I really like. People I think I have some bond with.
So if you are one of the lucky few I say hi to, be proud.
Be honored. You're the select few, the cream of the crop. But if I do see someone I know, but don't particularly want to see, I take quick, evasive action. First, I stare at the ground. If that technique doesn't work, I check my watch or start pretending to look for something important in my backpack.
These techniques are especially good when you see that high school friend you really don't want to see. Or maybe that person who just stalks you because you knew each other in a class.
Oh no! But if that person does recognize you and calls out your name, then you are inevitably forced to make small talk. Don't worry, you still have options.
"Sorry, but I'm already late for class. I'll talk to you later." That's a really good line that I always use.
But what if this person wants to exchange phone numbers with you? Well, you could always just say you're between apartments or whatever and just get his or her phone number. (Hint: don't call back.)
Hey, another way to avoid all of this mumbo jumbo is to get a portable radio with earphones. That way, no one will bother you. Well, at least you have an excuse when you can't hear other people yelling at you.
So if any of these helpful reminders help anyone out there, that's good. Folks, let's put them into use, let's be real people for once.
Why have I gone into such lengths to divulge about something so common, so everyday? Is it really that important? Yes, of course it is!
This phenomenon transcends the normal boundaries of our existence. It defines the core of our beings. (OK, I know I'm being slightly dramatic, but yes, this should be a concern.)
People, get rid of such high-schoolish notions of popularity.
Just be yourself. Don't force the issue and schmooze with people you barely know or people you don't really want to know because if you do it now, you might find yourself doing it for the rest of your life.
All of this might be a precursor to what lies ahead in the real world or something which always surrounds us no matter where we go. The sad thing is that at some points, you will start to feel that you must make small talk and just "smile."
Many times, you do have to go through the motions and play politician. If this is all part of the system, so be it. You decide to play along, or whatever. But I guess for me, I just hate all of this insincerity. Superficially waving hi to people you barely know seems like a way to build up one's self-esteem.
The best analogy I could give is when people "toot their own horns" and slyly (definitely knowingly) make known to you how awesome they are. "Oh, I'm in the 4-H Club and in the Glee Club" or when people ask, they say, "I do this, this and this around campus, what about you?"
People, people, snap out of it. Maybe it's not that easy to be real, but it can be done, somehow.
So I guess I'll continue to walk around and sheepishly dodge people I don't particularly like. It's my way of being true to myself and forgetting anything that society or anyone else tells me to do.
Joseph Abrajano