Monday, August 31, 1998

Little League baseball stars deserve drugs

to stay on top

COLUMN: Media, world seem to send message that chemicals are OK

I believe that the governing body of the Little League should supply "Andro" and Creatine for all of the players who participate in the Little League World Series.

Even easier than that, I suggest that team moms should spike the orange wedges with this stuff to ensure that every child gets his or her healthy dose, whether they want to or not.

I mean, how else is the United States going to compete with the teams from Cuba, Japan, Thailand and other Third World countries who send 35-year-old males posing as pre-pubescent sluggers to the United States to kick our ass year after year?

Little League Baseball should take an example from the big leaguers and realize that if you have individuals who can foul-tip fastballs off of their forearms for a home run, all will be right with the world.

If the United States had team of 11-year-olds with biceps resembling holiday hams and legs the width of tree trunks who can jack 600-foot homeruns, I guarantee that we would become the Little League Baseball hotbed of the world.

Why limit the wonders of performance enhancing drugs to the major leagues?

If a 10-year-old rolls up to GNC and wants to buy some Creatine Monohydrate so that he can bulk up to 255 pounds with five percent body fat, why not let him?

In a couple of years you can call him up to the majors where he can shatter the home run record.

If teams from all of the other countries in the world can have alleged 12-year-olds who sport five o'clock shadow and have cigarette butts hanging out of their mouths while taking infield practice, why can't we have children juiced up on a cornucopia of performance enhancing drugs?

I mean, isn't that the message that ESPN is sending by airing creatine ads during their telecast of Little League World Series games?

Isn't that the message that Mark McGwire is indirectly sending to millions of fans who regard him as a role model?

The fact of the matter is that the game isn't about the game any more.

It's more about "How can I gain an advantage over my nearest competitor?"

The phrase, "If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying," is too true.

Tim Yun