Mike Maloney Keep this up and come January they may have to break out “The Rose Bowl Shuffle.” Maloney is an excellent driver, but only on Tuesdays. E-mail him at mmaloney@ucla.edu.

This is how the ’85 Chicago Bears used to do it. They didn’t just beat their opponents. They destroyed them.



When you stop and think about it, UCLA’s 38-7 romp over Oregon State had that distinct ’85 Bears flavor.

All the same pieces were in place: a dominant running game, a couple of big plays through the air and a defense more suffocating than those plastic bags your grandma always worried you’d put over your head as a kid.

For the Bears, the magical 1985 campaign saw them go 18-1, win a Super Bowl and create perhaps the most thoroughly entertaining rap video of all time (aptly titled “The Super Bowl Shuffle,” for those of you who don’t care to remember).

The result was a cross-continental cult following that spawned a recurring Saturday Night Live skit. From then on, the team was simply referred to as “Da’ Bears!”

For the Bruins, their potentially magical season is still young. But after Saturday’s annihilation of the Beavers, a comparison to one of football’s great teams doesn’t seem so far fetched. The Bears had Ditka, Payton, McMahon, Dent and Singletary. The Bruins have Toledo, Foster, Paus, Coleman and Thomas. The names are different but so far, the results are the same.

Nowhere is the comparison more compelling than at running back, where DeShaun Foster eats up yards and accolades in bunches just like the Walter Payton. Now, it might seem a bit unfair to compare Foster to Payton; after all, the latter just happens to be the NFL’s all-time leading rusher. But the two do share a similar running style. Like Payton, Foster’s runs have only just begun when the first defender makes contact. And let’s face it, there’s only one word fit to describe Foster’s stat line of 31 carries for 147 yards and three touchdowns – “Sweetness.”

And just like Payton, Foster is buoyed by a passing game that can stretch the field. Come on, Cory Paus’ last second, 38-yard touchdown strike to Brian Poli-Dixon in the first half had Jim McMahon to Willie Gault written all over it.

Now, it’s important to remember, this Bruin club isn’t exactly a carbon copy of “Da’ Bears.” After all, you’d be hard pressed to find similarities between Paus and McMahon off the field. Well, that is unless Paus starts riding a Harley, screaming at his coaches, and flipping off everyone as he strolls through campus.

But hey, Paus is from Illinois (i.e. Bear Country). You never know, he might don a white headband with “NCAA SUCKS” scrawled across it to promote a new rebel image in two weeks against Washington. Jason Kapono has to have an extra headband lying around that he could borrow.

And sure, Bob Toledo may not remind many of Mike Ditka. But if you give him some gum, dark shades and a fake mustache, nobody thirty rows up in the seats would be the wiser. You throw in a few rumors about high blood pressure, include a few altercations with his players during practice and, suddenly, a few of his assistants might even be fooled.

Okay, so some of these direct comparisons may be a bit of a stretch, but one that becomes more relevant every weekend can be found on the defensive side of the ball. The ’85 Bears were defined by their defense, arguably the most dominant unit in NFL history. At this rate, the UCLA defense may make a similar mark in the collegiate history books.

If you discard Oregon State’s 63-yard touchdown run during garbage time in the fourth quarter, the Bruin defense has given up a combined 323 total yards in the last two weeks. Those kinds of numbers would make even Buddy Ryan blush.

About the only thing these Bruins are missing is “The Fridge.” And who could forget the Bears’ lovable 325-pound-plus William “The Refrigerator” Perry, what with his dominant play in the trenches and his days moonlighting as a goal-line fullback? Maybe defensive tackle Ken Kocher could start referring to himself as “The Dorm Room Mini-Fridge.” Just a thought.

After Saturday’s carnage in Corvallis, at least one thing was clear – the Bruins destroyed their opponent. Oregon State linebacker James Allen might have put it best: “We got beat down today. We got it brought to us in our own home.”

Da’ Bruins, they’re 4-0, blowing teams away like a mighty gust from the Windy City.