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Talking during sex is much more than the repeated “yes” or “oh baby, oh baby.” Nothing is more crucial to the success of sexual intercourse than being well versed in the language I like to call “sexspeak.”

Sexspeak consists of those magical words that will ultimately result in mutual orgasms rather than awkward moments of astonishment, anger and shame. The conversations we have while engaged in sex have the potential to heighten or weaken our passions. They might even kill them altogether.

For women, there is no bigger turn-off than having the man we’re straddling screw everything up by saying something callous, annoying or dumb. For starters, never give us derogatory nicknames such as slut in the midst of lovemaking (for example, “I love ____-ing you, you dirty slut”). When is it ever okay for you to call us these names? You will not only ruin the moment but also run the risk of being slapped.

Likewise, never use derogatory nicknames for our female genitalia, including but not limited to, “pussy.” Many men like it but most women despise it – it should never even be considered for sexspeak. Just the sound of the word makes my skin crawl.

Now that the big no-nos are out of the way, there are three ground rules of sexspeak that should always be observed. First and foremost, say something when making love for god’s sake. Nothing is more uncomfortable and uncompassionate than having sex in silence. It is better to be locked in a room with one’s familiar lover, the hand, than having non-interactive sex.

The only, and I mean only time, two people should even consider having sex in silence is if they’re within earshot of a parent.

Secondly, don’t be afraid to laugh. Laughing is almost better than speaking because it brings ease to awkward, embarrassing moments and lets the other person know you’re having a great time.

Finally, make sure it’s your partner’s name you’re saying as you near climax. This should be a pretty obvious one but I’ve heard horror stories that would piss off even the easiest, sex-loving ladies.

Following the basic rules is fine, but there are a few key phrases that will absolutely win women over. For one, tell us you love us. It’s the most heartfelt, sincere thing you can ever say to a woman so why not say it during the most intimate expressions of love?

Also, tell us how much you love different parts of our bodies or how good we look naked. No matter how many times we get naked in front of you, the self-consciousness never goes away. Positive reinforcement will not only boost our self-confidence but also result in mutual, take-charge sex.

Grunts and moans are also welcome as long as they aren’t excessive or audible three doors down.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to talk dirty. Sexual fantasies put into words not only show daring and confidence, but also fuel provocative visuals that are key to achieving climactic results. Even the fantasies you think would freak us out are probably some of the things we’re really thinking about.

Talking during sex is an art that can make or break your success in the sack. And while knowing what to say is part of the battle, actually saying it will win the war.