Ken Jennings breaks records, families apart
The extraordinary Abraham Lincoln famously said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”
That saying is beginning to ring oh so true in my house, and we have another extraordinary man to thank for that.
That man has entered the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere.
That man has done things others haven’t even dreamed of.
That man has made the impossible seem possible, and he has given a voice to the voiceless.
That man, my friends, is Ken Jennings, 38-day “Jeopardy!” champion.
He’s also my hero.
Maybe I slightly exaggerated his accomplishments, him being my hero and all. He hasn’t really given a voice to the voiceless. And no one actually dreams about being a “Jeopardy!” champion 38 times over.
At least I hope not.
But let’s not discount what everyone’s favorite Utahn (one from Utah) has done over the last eight weeks – he has decimated his competition day in and day out, he has done that same arrogant “fake shake of the head in disbelief when told his total winnings” like clockwork, and he has won $1,321,600 in his time with Alex Trebek, the host of the show.
He has also divided my family, which is where I started this column.
Please allow me to explain...
My mom is really, really good at Jeopardy! I’m fairly decent, my dad can hang in there, and my brother celebrates like he has hit a walk-off home run in Game 7 of the World Series with every question he gets correct.
He averages around 10 home runs every show.
When we all watch together, my mom is the Ken Jennings of the family. She reads faster than the rest of us; she knows more than the rest of us; she beats us to almost every single answer. It’s just not fun to play with her.
But ever since the real Ken Jennings has come along, my mom refuses to watch the show.
The three men in the family, meanwhile, plan our entire night around the 7:00 p.m. start time of “Jeopardy!”
What, it’s time for dinner? Not now, it’s time for “Jeopardy!”
What mom, you say there’s someone trying to rob our house? Tell them to wait until 7:30. Thanks.
Jennings has become a cult hero with the Regan men. We ask all our friends if they have seen him. We talk about him more around this place than any other singular topic. We analyze his clothing, his patterns of speech, and the incredible rapport he has developed with Trebek.
My mom, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the guy.
On this past Friday night, the night of Jennings’ record-breaking $75,000 performance, we couldn’t be around to watch the show at 7:00 p.m. So we taped it, and watched it when we got back from dinner. My mom went upstairs to play piano, saying she was sick of Ken’s little weasel face – she also already knew the result.
So we watched it, my dad, my brother, and myself, and we loved it. We loved when Ken risked $10,000 on the first Daily Double of Double Jeopardy! We loved when he found the next Daily Double several questions later, and added another $6,200 to his total.
We love the carnage.
We love the utter dominance.
We love Ken Jennings.
But my mom does not, and on Saturday I tried to get to the bottom of why she seems to hate the innocent computer programmer who has captured America.
My brother showed her a part of the tape, and we put it to her straight – Why don’t you like Ken?
“He’s unpleasant to look at,” she said.
Now that’s just uncalled for. You don’t just insult someone’s appearance like that, especially someone like Ken Jennings.
My brother wasn’t having it, that’s for sure.
“He’s a pretty cute guy,” my brother replied.
And he’s right. Ken is a pretty cute guy. The way he drew the symbol that Prince changed himself to before becoming Prince again – that was cute.
The way he said, “What are the munchies, man?” when he gave that one answer. That was cute, too. Ken is as endearing as he is dominating, man.
We continued to prod our mom, and I think I finally figured it out.
My mom feels sorry for the other contestants. She empathizes with them. She feels that they have worked too hard in qualifying to be thrown to the notorious wolf that is Ken Jennings. She feels like he’s a big bully, and no one has a chance. She doesn’t like to watch because she says the show isn’t fun anymore. He’s the fastest to ring in; he knows everything; he’s cocky.
She just might have a point. Ken is kind of like the Yankees. He always wins; he’s tenacious and unyielding. He is a Jeopardy! man among boys and girls, and he is rarely challenged.
Since I have started watching Ken, I have not seen a Final Jeopardy! in which he could potentially lose the game. He always has more than double the money of his next closest competitor.
He intimidates them into silly answers and ridiculous wagers.
Ken Jennings is a machine.
But we like him. We like him because he is so damn good. We appreciate him because he takes care of business. But now he will be out of our lives for six weeks while Jeopardy! shows rerun for the rest of the summer.
It will give the family time to mend the wounds that have developed over the last 38 episodes.
But come the beginning of September, Ken will be back. And I’ll be right here waiting for him, hoping the house is still standing.
E-mail him at dregan@media.ucla.edu.
