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Coach Karl Dorrell calls this the “meat of our Pac-10 schedule.”

Well, while we’ll agree that it’s important, I’m looking at it as more of an appetizer. Sort of like the potato skins or jalapeño poppers before the prime rib.

After this week’s matchup against relative pansy Arizona, UCLA is looking at Cal, Arizona State, Stanford and Washington State, a combined 14-2 among them. That’s one gigantic chunk of beef. And lest we forget, the dessert is top-ranked USC.

But let’s get back to those poppers, the Arizona Wildcats. True story: Their state name originated from the Pima Indian word for “little spring place.”

That’s because Arizona is a basketball school. March Madness is what this school gets up for, not autumn Saturdays.

New head coach Mike Stoops hopes to change all that, and it can’t be any worse than the literal mutiny of the past several years. Unfortunately for Stoops, talent-wise, this is still the same Arizona team that has been Pac-10 bottom-dwellers recently.

Dorrell will tell you this Arizona team is dangerous, that UCLA cannot afford to not be 4-1 going into the Cal game, and that the Wildcats have an equal shot at winning.

But the truth of the matter is, this team is just not that good. Look no further than Arizona’s last game against Washington State.

They had the Cougars on the ropes, up by six points with about a minute to go. And more importantly, they had possession of the ball. But somehow, while running out the clock, they fumbled, and Washington State went on to score the game-winning touchdown. Bonehead play, no doubt.

But you’ll never hear Dorrell say that, being ultra-political as he is. So we’ll tell you what he should have said.

Dorrell says: “Our young defense is getting better and better.”

Dorrell should say: “Our young defense is getting better and better – against inferior offenses. First, the Aztecs with their banged-up offensive line. Next, Arizona with its offense that is so bad, it would be offensive to use the word ‘offense.’ Now, if only Cal quarterback Aaron Rodgers and running back J.J. Arrington got held out of next week’s game. Probably wouldn’t hurt if Jeff Tedford announced he was immediately jumping to be the pa head coach next week.”

Dorrell says: “(Mike Stoops) is a very good football coach.”

Dorrell should say: “I was chosen over Mike Stoops for this UCLA job two years ago.”

Dorrell says: “(Their offense) does a number of things.”

Dorrell should say: “Their offense does nothing. They average 13 points a game. Their rushing attack picks up under three yards a carry. Oh, hell yeah! My defense is going to have a field day. We’re going to hang a zero on the board.”

If you don’t get it, Arizona has a pretty poor offense. They were only able to score a touchdown through the first three quarters against Northern Arizona – yup, the same NAU that both Dorrell and basketball coach Ben Howland both went through in their collegiate coaching careers, and the same NAU that is apparently now a requirement for any coach wishing to seek job employment at UCLA.

It’s not like the Bruins are clicking on all cylinders. They still allowed the Aztecs to drive, and they’ll still be without Craig Bragg, meaning a receiver or tight end has to step up.

And Arizona is still an upgrade over a Mountain West team, talent-wise. The Wildcats’ best receiver’s name is Steptoe, so you know he’s pretty good, and quarterback Kris Heavner has been solid.

But, what I am saying, “With their new defensive style, the Wildcats can keep this game close by shutting down the UCLA offense,” is different from what I should say, “Arizona stands no chance.”

Bruce will soothe himself with some Jack-in-the-Box stuffed jalapenos if UCLA loses. E-mail him at btran@media.ucla.edu.