• printer friendly
• mail this article
• iPod format
• digg

Studying abroad can be one of the most rewarding experiences you can get from a university education. You get to see and learn about new places, meet fascinating people, and basically have your world turned upside down.

Of course, tough choices abound when deciding to study abroad: Where, when, for how long should you go?

But for some, an entirely different question that isn’t on the application can become much more trying. Should you break up with a significant other or extend your relationship by thousands of miles?

Of all the potential problems facing collegiate couples, studying abroad truly is the largest dating dilemma. Going away can force couples to prematurely part or to bitterly remain together at the cost of more than bad exchange rates.

This continental question forces both parties to discuss the status and future of their relationship. Couples are forced to assess whether they could adapt to a long-distance arrangement and whether they would want to.

What makes this decision so tough is that you don’t know exactly how you’ll feel when you’re away. While some choose the “let’s see how it goes” approach, this can often end in impersonal break-ups over the phone and across oceans.

Adopting an ambivalent trial period also erodes trust on both side, leaving both parties wondering if the other is out there looking for something better – which is essentially why the non-decision decision is chosen. One person doesn’t want to break up, yet would feel freer with a looser vow of commitment in case he or she has a change of heart.

Let’s consider the possible consequences of staying together. You’ll have less bonding time with your group and new friends if you’re on the phone with your stateside sweetie all the time. You may not get to take advantage of being in a new place and absorbing the culture like you could if you dated a native.

Also, studying abroad is already expensive – now add on calling cards for cross-continental marathon phone sessions and long nights at Internet cafes, and that’s a lot of money you could’ve spent on traveling or sightseeing.

But the worst part of staying together would have to be the inevitable jealousy, possible mistrust and real or perceived infidelity.

Not to mention the worst-case scenario – sticking it out through the separation, only to break up when the traveler returns to the States. This happens all the time, as studying abroad often allows you to become more independent. Sometimes that means cringing at being dependent on someone else or even being intensely depended upon.

Studying abroad can also be the best thing for a struggling relationship, a good reason to break it off with less of a chance of hurting the other person.

But there are those really committed, long-term relationships where staying together despite a quarter – or even a year apart – really is the best decision.

If both of you see the possibility of making it in the long-run (i.e. marriage, or at least a year or two of college), or if you really can’t see yourself with anyone else and the thought of foreign accents honestly doesn’t entice you – go for it.

And there are a few remedies you can seek to make the separation easier.

For example, invest in a pair of Web cams and you won’t technically be going months without seeing each other. Sending love letters par avion can add some good, ol’ fashioned romance to your 21st-century relationship. If your stateside significant other has the time and funds, planning a romantic rendezvous could be worth the time apart – especially if you’re traveling in France.

Wherever you’ll be studying, if you’re dealing with a relationship, you never know where it will be when you return – or if there will be another one in its place. It’s a little like going to the airport with a ticket to an undisclosed location. All you can do is plan beforehand, pack light, and remember to take your camera.

Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor. E-mail her at lbonos@media.ucla.edu if you’ve ever gone speed-dating – in any country.