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How nice it must be to live in Michael Buble’s lyrical world of moondances, soulmates, and flying honeymoons. In “Come Fly with Me,” he croons, “You may hear all the angels cheer because we’re together.” I imagine also that pink bunnies and dewy-eyed puppies must be waltzing while cherubs and lambs are exchanging Valentines.

This make-believe world thrives in other forms too. In sappy romantic comedies the routine plot is sometimes so sickeningly sweet that I feel the need to take a swig of Pepto-Bismol.

In the song “Such Great Heights” by the Postal Service, there is a sign of destined love so powerful I shudder at its creepiness: matching eye freckles. The singer also ponders whether God had made him and his special someone into “corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay.”

Such things don’t surprise me anymore. In every media outlet, people are capitalizing on idealized romantic love. The idea that there is a special person who is fated to be your soulmate has harnessed the fantasies of singles everywhere. Sorry to burst your Buble, but no such thing exists.

Love is not divine or destined. It isn’t a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence that happens only when planets are aligned. The idea of soulmates is silly because love as we practice it is surprisingly without surprise. Cupid’s arrow doesn’t determine who your sweetheart is going to be; rather, there is a set of factors that greatly influence your selection of that lucky person.

You will most likely date and marry someone who lives close to you. My psychology professor once announced that most college students have already met their future spouse by their second year in college. You must be thinking about all the people you know right now.

An article entitled “18-Year-Old Miraculously Finds Soulmate in Hometown” published in my news source of choice, The Onion, sardonically opens with, “In a miracle that defies statistical probability, Corey Munter, 18, reported Monday that he found his soulmate, Tammy Gaska, right in his very own hometown of Peshtigo.”

I’m going to guess that if you chuckled, it’s because a story about a guy falling in love with someone from his hometown doesn’t exactly measure up to a story of star-crossed lovers. Usually in a story about soulmates, there’s a good deal more of serendipitous run-ins, cosmic clues, and the use of the phrase, “It was fate that brought us together.”

In reality, most people are like Munter and Gaska. According to several studies, proximity is one of the most important factors that influence partner selection. Over 50 percent of couples had lived within a mile of each other at the time of their first date. Prior to marriage some couples had even lived within one block of each other.

You will also most likely date and marry someone who is similar to you. Age, race, religion, height, intelligence, and attractiveness are all variables of similarity. Bruins are smart and good-looking, which is why it is highly unlikely that a Bruin would date a Trojan.

When imagining a perfect partner, it’s natural to desire similar traits. After all, we want someone who we can connect with. In a recent study of newlyweds, the data reveals that similarity plays a large role in mate selection. In fact, the couples were highly similar in the categories of age, religion, and political orientation.

There’s nothing supernatural going on. Dating or marrying someone who is similar to yourself is common sense and not cosmic destiny. The idea of soulmates is illogical and unpredictable, while love as it actually happens is organized and comprehensible.

In reality, mate selection is pretty standard. You are looking for someone similar and it won’t be unusual if that person lives within walking distance.

If you’ve accepted that there is a host of conventionally unromantic factors that influence partner selection but still believe in the idea of soulmates, consider that your belief is inherently risky.

For instance, what if, unknown to you, your soulmate resides in Siberia. The two of you never meet. Are you then doomed to a life of average love? Or what if your soulmate dies? And what if the population of single people in the world is an odd number? Does someone get shafted and not get assigned a soulmate?

When it comes to love, Cole Porter may have had it right all along. In “Let’s Do It,” some of the lines are, “Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.” These words imply that falling in love is not something that is determined by a higher power. Instead, it’s something essentially natural and wonderfully commonplace. True, the idea of soulmates is a romantic one. But it’s also nonsensical and improbable. Human behavior in selecting partners has proved this theory to be false.

So go forth and meet someone who may become your next great love. And most likely, that person will quite literally be right around the corner. And if it doesn’t work, that’s okay, because it’s completely possible to be perfectly happy with more than just one person in the whole world.

If you think Tao doesn’t deserve a soulmate, e-mail her at

atao@media.ucla.edu.