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“I hate girls.” “Girls come with too much drama.” “Girls are evil, shallow, sneaky, manipulative, hypocritical and untrustworthy.”

These are only some of the more colorful things I’ve heard spoken about my fellow women.

I’ve heard milder remarks and I’ve heard more passionate ones too, but they are most confusing and upsetting when the speaker of the diatribe is a woman herself.

Maybe because speaking ill of your own group is not taboo, women feel at ease casting other women as stereotypically petty and malicious drama queens. And within a group as large as the entire female sex, chances are you’re going to run into some stereotypically petty and malicious drama queens.

Real-life experiences make it all the easier for women themselves to perpetuate this harmful stereotype, even though it’s almost like fueling a rumor about themselves.

Take fourth-year psychology student Jennifer Pineda, for example. She’s had so many bad experiences with women she doesn’t even try anymore. When I told her that I dislike girls who openly refuse to befriend other girls, she said matter-of-factly, “Yeah, I’m one of those.”

Apparently, after too many mini-dramas had unfolded in too short a time span Pineda called it quits and decided to spend time only with her male friends.

“Girls have a tendency to take things I say way too personally and create unnecessary drama,” Pineda said.

Laughing, she added, “Or maybe I just have a big mouth.”

Inside, I was frantic. I thought, “But you’re buying into a negative stereotype about women that can be used against you. And not only that – you’re promoting it. And not only that – you are a woman!”

As if reading my thoughts, she said, “I mean, I know I’m not supposed to have this belief, and it’s wrong to put a label on half of the world. But after I cut girls out of my life, things have been much easier.”

She has a good point. Ever since grade school, we’ve been taught that stereotypes are bad and people who perpetuate them should be punished.

But what happens when your life experience tells you that certain stereotypes are valid?

During our conversation, Pineda pointed out to me that even research is on her side.

Studies have shown that adolescent girls are more likely to use social aggression (such as backbiting and ostracism) than their male peers.

On the surface this fact may be disappointing, but scratch deeper and you’ll discover that things are actually more complicated.

For instance, while it is true that the results of studies show adolescent girls engage in more social aggression than adolescent boys, their method of data collection was questionable.

Because it is hard to measure social aggression in a quantifiable way, research has relied on peer ratings. This means adolescents are asked to nominate peers for specific indirectly aggressive behaviors. For example, one study asked, “Who intrigues behind others’ backs?”

So, if the girls and boys being studied had already gained a sense of male and female stereotypes, the results would be skewed.

Knowing that girls are labeled as catty and malicious, peer ratings would probably favor more female nominations.

Methods aside, other studies have found that male adolescents use indirect aggression as well. In fact, research with larger groups of participants has had varied results when attempting to decipher whether girls really do engage themselves in social aggression more than boys.

Also, research has shown that the type of interaction and the context in which it is played out also affects girls’ behavior.

For instance, at school girls begin to form small cliques, a new social organization that makes it possible to manipulate relationships. It’s also known that girls verbally mature faster than boys, another development that facilitates the use of indirect aggression.

What about adulthood? Research has yet to conclude whether gender differences in aggression styles exist beyond adolescence.

However, conventional wisdom would tell you otherwise.

During my sophomore year, I considered joining a sorority but was constantly affronted by worried looks and remarks. “Don’t do it – you know how girls are.” No one mentioned the expensive fees and time-consuming schedules.

Fourth-year biochemistry student Brianna Burden is part of a sorority and would agree with Pineda about women taking things too personally. But she doesn’t have as strict a policy about befriending women.

When I asked her if she thought negative stereotypes about women are justified, she said, “I don’t think it’s OK to say that about all women. But as with any stereotype, they are true for some people and not for others.”

And that’s the tricky thing about stereotypes. I’m sure women who say negative things about other women have had awful experiences.

But whatever the experience, condemning all women because of it would be like believing that all Muslims are terrorists, or that only minorities are welfare recipients, or that all Asians have a 50-pound bag of rice in their pantry.

Moreover, greater credence is given to negative stereotypes about women when it’s women who are perpetuating them.

People are free to have their own opinions and free to choose their own friends. But when women badmouth each other, they are unknowingly choosing to spread a vicious rumor about themselves.

And knowingly, they are criticizing other women for being petty and malevolent, hypocritically exhibiting the very characteristics that are being condemned.

If you want to know if Tao has a 50-pound bag of rice, e-mail her at atao@media.ucla.edu.