The summer before her freshman year, Elise Manbert was looking forward to meeting her future roommate. The two had been e-mailing each other for several weeks, and it seemed they would get along.
“But once we met each other, things became very awkward,” said Manbert, a second-year mathematics student. “She would give me one-word answers, so we didn’t talk to each other much at all. After the first day, we just tolerated each other.”
While college can be a new and exciting time, with it comes the challenge of learning to live with a roommate.
For some students, living with a roommate can be a positive experience – and the person who was once a stranger can become a friend.
“Many roommates develop supportive, long-lasting relationships that help to see them through tough times,” said Jack Gibbons, associate director of the Office of Residential Life. “They often prefer living in a dynamic environment in which people get to interact and know one another.”
But for other students, like Manbert, having a roommate becomes a source of anxiety and discomfort.
Manbert said over the course of the year she began to feel uncomfortable in her room and relieved when her roommate went home for the weekends.
She became hesitant about inviting friends over to her room, as they would try failingly to engage in conversation with her roommate, creating an awkward atmosphere. But when her roommate’s friends came over, they never acknowledged Manbert, making Manbert feel invisible and uncomfortable.
“I was expecting to live with someone, but I felt like I had to limit myself. I thought I had weird habits, and so I felt I needed to hide them from her,” Manbert said.
This year, record numbers of students will be living on campus, and as a result more students will be assigned to triples. In the 2006-2007 academic year, 97 percent of freshmen will live on campus, as opposed to 92 percent in 2005-2006. With the increase in on-campus residents, students will have to forge relationships with more roommates, making positive communication between them especially important.
Gibbons said that one of the most important ways to avoid problems like Manbert’s is to have open and honest communication between roommates.
“When you communicate, be respectful, be honest, be open-minded when considering the other person’s lifestyle. And think of the roommate experience as a learning experience,” Gibbons said.
Manbert said that often her roommate would watch TV in their room when she needed to study, forcing her to wear headphones or leave the room. Though the disturbance irritated Manbert, she never could bring herself to confront her roommate and communicate the problem.
Reflecting on this experience, Manbert said she blamed inadequate communication between herself and her roommate for their uneasy living partnership.
“We didn’t really deal with our problems. I felt awkward asking (my roommate) any questions and talking to her, because I didn’t know what to say,” Manbert said.
Gibbons said ORL requires students to fill out roommate contracts, which set rules and guidelines, early in the year before problems arise.
If the roommates are still unable to develop a positive relationship, Gibbons said ORL prefers them to first attempt to work out the problem on their own and then to meet with their RAs.
Robert Smith, a student affairs officer for UCLA Housing, said residents may request a change of room assignment in extreme cases, but noted that not all such requests are granted. Last year, 609 students received room transfers.
Alfred Hsing, an economics alumnus who graduated in 2006, had a very different experience from Manbert and some other students who request transfers. He said he has developed many strong, long-lasting relationships with his past roommates.
“My current roommate is one of my really good friends,” Hsing said. “We will probably know each other beyond college so it shows that you should try to pick carefully because you definitely bond with your roommates and can create lasting memories.”