I got a phone call the other day from a friend who had seen someone who looked like me on an old “7th Heaven” episode and asked if I had ever been on TV. I said I had indeed appeared on television shows during my childhood, specifically “7th Heaven,” “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” and “King of the Hill.” This got me thinking back even further to a time when I was in a low-budget, music-themed television show.
When I was 9, I got a part on a PBS show called “Kidsongs.” You may recall videos under the same name that featured kids dancing and singing songs like “Old McDonald” and “Skip To My Lou,” sort of like Kidz Bop for sane children.
This show was an extension of those videos, but with a twist – the music videos were included, but the premise was that “Kidsongs” was a show within a show run “by kids and for kids.”
This meant viewers would see not only the host and hostess, but also kids playing the parts of various other crew members.
I guess the part that amuses me the most is that when I initially went to audition for this show, I assumed I would be singing songs and appearing in music videos.
Instead, it ended up being a lesson in A) why being a cameraman on a low-budget show is a thankless job, B) how to use smocks outside of art class, and C) why Vlade Divac sucks.
My time was split between being a cameraman and a stage manager. I remember enjoying playing stage manager because all I did was yell at people and scream a countdown. But the most fascinating part about playing cameraman was querying the actual cameraman about why an apple box – an all-purpose box used on-set not unlike a milk crate – was called an apple box. (“That’s too dirty to put apples in!” I said.) Yawn.
The thing I remember most about “Kidsongs,” however, was that the show was nonunion, which meant it wasn’t associated with the Screen Actors Guild or the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. This meant cutting corners was the word of the day on “Kidsongs.”
This seemed to be especially true in the wardrobe department. Now, I’m not complaining about the clothes they gave me to wear, but they didn’t have an overabundance of stuff in the closet. This being a tight budget, they resorted to having us wear smocks when we ate lunch and were wearing our outfits. So pretty much, you had a bunch of preteen kids sitting around a card table eating awful pizza and looking like they’re about to fingerpaint.
Worst of all, though, was the time they strung me along with an episode about one cast member’s love of basketball. When we first heard about this episode, we found out it was going to involve an NBA player, likely a member of the Lakers. Visions of catching a pass from Nick Van Exel or playing one-on-one with Cedric Ceballos danced through my impressionable head until the producers confirmed the guest-starring Laker: Vlade “Floppy” Divac.
On the day the episode was shot, my mom and I stuck around after my scenes to wait for Vlade, who was going to shoot his part after most of the cast and crew had gone home. I remember standing there, basketball cards in hand for autographs, waiting for Vlade to show up ... and he never did. We waited quite a while before being told he wasn’t coming, and I went home feeling cheated.
My hopes rose the next day when I found out the producers had gotten a replacement for Divac, but they came crashing down once again when I found out the player was a member of the Harlem Globetrotters. That’s like telling someone he’s going to meet the fat guy from “Lost” and having a “The Amazing Race” contestant show up instead.
The Vlade experience was around the time that I began to mail it in on the show and simply started counting the days until the experience ended. When it finally did, I can’t say I was sad to never have to wear a smock to dinner again.
Of course, the experience wasn’t a total loss. It did help me gain membership to SAG, and, more importantly, it taught me to always root against any team with Vlade Divac on it. This ended up serving me well all the way up until he rejoined the Lakers and they responded by missing the playoffs for the first time in 11 years.
You can bet that wouldn’t have happened if he had appeared on “Kidsongs.” Karma, especially when it involves low-quality public television shows for children, can be trouble.