The truth about sex: It’s personal
Whenever I asked my mom, “Where do babies come from?” she told me that I came from a special seed, as ridiculous as it seems.
I never did receive “the talk” from my mom. My friends, enlightened with “the truth” thanks to candid discussions with their parents, eventually satisfied my curiosity.
Raised within Korean culture, where talk of sex and intimacy is taboo, yet exposed to more liberal American ideas, I found myself generally confused about sex.
But one thing is common between the two cultures: Society too quickly judges people based on their sexual lifestyles and decisions.
It’s ironic that such personal qualities are used to immediately judge a person. Opinions about sex are unique to each individual and simply cannot be categorized as “moral” or “immoral.”
For instance, it’s interesting that many instantly classify a sexually active person as “trashy” (especially a woman), labeling the person as generally immoral.
On the other hand, a person (especially a man) that refrains from sex is suspiciously viewed as a prude.
The more people I talked to about their personal sexual beliefs, the more I realized how so many aspects of life shape these opinions – experience, cultural backgrounds, parents’ beliefs, religion, etc.
And since such variations exist, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong?
Like any controversial issue, arguments for different beliefs on sex all carry some validity. As I listened to these different stances, I found it difficult to pinpoint the morality of each.
“Being sexually free is different from having a lot of sex,” said Kyla Searle, a second-year world arts and cultures student.
She stressed the importance of being emotionally and physically prepared and said, “When the moment hits you and you feel right ... go ahead. It’s supposed to be your individual creation, just as much as your own identity.”
Ly Lam, a third-year psychobiology student, tackled the issue differently.
“There are some things that should be saved, to be given to the person you marry,” Lam said. “When you wait, your relationship is stronger because you still have yet to experience something new with the person.”
And of course, gender plays a big role in the variances among opinions about sex. Why is it that a bed-hopping man is commended, but a woman who sleeps around is accused of promiscuity and a lack of integrity?
As we discussed the various views, labels and other forms of judgment that come from different opinions about sex, Alex Webb, a graduate geology student, challenged, “Why does (sex life) have to be adjudicated?”
I found myself asking the same question. Why, in a society that encourages open-mindedness and tolerance of individuality and differences in opinion, do people judge someone’s whole character based on individual choices about sex? Why do we meddle into such personal beliefs and readily label people accordingly?
As I searched for my next candidate to interview, I scanned the potential faces passing by and fully absorbed the endless diversity before me.
The faces represented different ethnicities, races, religions (or lack thereof), cultural backgrounds and personal beliefs – all contributing to differing personal opinions of sex.
I learned “the truth” about where babies come from a while ago, but I only recently learned another truth: Each person is entitled to an individual decision about sex, regardless of current “moral standards.”
While my culture’s excessive bashfulness toward sex may seem silly in an American context, my background certainly influenced my personal beliefs about sex – an opinion as right as any other.
If you know where babies come from, e-mail Yoo at jyoo@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.



