For Nathaniel Nalam chicken was the key.
When he came home from his first date with another man and found his sister eating Popeye’s chicken, he knew she would be in a good mood and it would be the right time to tell her he was gay.
When it came to coming out to his mother, he said, it was rotisserie chicken that led the way.
The third-year sociology student was one of six panelists who spoke about the experience of coming out at National Coming Out Week’s Coming Out Panel on Wednesday.
The panel, sponsored by Pan-Asian Queers and its parent organization Queer Alliance, was part of a series of events organized for National Coming Out Week, Melanie Simangan, co-chair of Pan-Asian Queers, said.
Originally just a single day, National Coming Out Week is about “celebrating being out and being visible,” Simangan said.
Wednesday’s panel, consisting mostly of minority students, had been in the works since early September and was designed to help students from diverse backgrounds celebrate a part of their identity, Simangan said.
The panelists spoke about realizing they were gay or lesbian and the experience of coming out.
Cynthia Ramirez, a fourth-year Women’s Studies student, said she initially struggled with accepting that she was a lesbian and wondered how she would tell her friends and family.
“I put it on MySpace and Facebook, (because) you know, when you put it up there it’s official,” she joked.
Tory Adkisson, a third-year English student, said he came out on Facebook before he openly spoke about being gay as well.
Many of the panelists spoke about the positive experiences of coming out to their families.
Adkisson said his mother was not surprised that he was gay and Nalam said his mother is active in groups like Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
“I’m one of the fortunate people who’s supported by people who know it’s ok,” Nalam said.
But though most of the panelists said they had positive experiences coming out to friends and family, some of them said people close to them were not as accepting.
Adkission said one of his roommates was belligerent and mean to him and, on one occasion, used a homophobic slur when referring to him.
“I’ve encountered belligerence and it did shock (me) because there are people who will make stupid remarks around you,” he said.
Vanessa Angulo, a second-year neuroscience student, said her brother was openly homophobic until she told him she was a lesbian.
“He told me he would love me no matter what,” she said.
Simangan said she believes it is important to organize panels and discussions about coming out because many gays and lesbians want the chance to discuss an important part of their identity.
“Most of us haven’t told our story, there hasn’t been an opportunity. You don’t get to talk about your queer identity,” she said.
Alexis Cabrera, a second-year English student, said panels like these can be encouraging because they help students who are not comfortable being out know that they can be recieved positively and if not, that they will survive.
“It shows you can get over that,” she said, “I would have loved to have something like this when I was in the process.”